As I promised you guys in my last post, this post is up on this fine Saturday. I know it's kind of late, but luckily, I never gave a specific time my posts will go live. Maybe in the future.
One of my goals for 2020 was to be more vulnerable and talk about things I wouldn't typically open up about in detail online. Tonight, I'm going to be telling you all about something that, in my opinion, had one of the biggest impacts on my life 'til this day.
I was bullied throughout my time in school.
Preschool, elementary, middle, and high school. The bullying was different at each school though. Preschool was more of little kids just being mean - nothing too, too serious. Elementary was flat out brutal. Middle was people being catty and making unnecessary comments just to seem cool. And high school was about the same as middle, just not as bad. Elementary was by far the worst for me of all.
To start this story off, I thought I'd tell you guys how I was as a kid. I was a very upbeat, outgoing child that wanted nothing more than to have fun and talk and laugh. I was friendly and wouldn't hurt a fly. I loved watching WWE, That's So Raven, Powerpuff Girls, etc. I took interest in cheerleading. I was as passionate about dancing and video games as I am now. All in all, I was what you'd expect in an innocent little kid. I wasn't rambunctious at all. I always made As and Bs. The most trouble I'd get in at school was for talking, but other than that, my teachers never had any problems out of me.
Even though this part is specifically about elementary school, I'm going to talk briefly about preschool. In preschool, I do remember this one boy would be mean to me a lot. But one evening, outside of school, my aunt took me to a little party at one of her friend's houses and that boy just so happened to be there too. He gave me a ringpop and pretty much proposed to me - so him and I made up (lol). Another instance I remember in preschool was this little girl who would always throw tantrums and get in trouble was underneath our table crying and having one of her daily fits, and I believe I looked under the table at her and maybe asked if she was okay? She scratched my face and made me bleed. Other than those few instances, which I'm sure there were more, I don't remember anything crazy happening in preschool.
Elementary school was a different story. I remember most of what happened there very vividly and I don't think I'll ever forget.
In my early years of attending elementary, my cousin and I would ride the bus together because we lived very close to one another. We got bullied like crazy on the bus by kids who were MUCH older than us to the point where like 1st or 2nd grade going forward all the way up until I graduated high school, I ended up being car rider. Which honestly, looking back on, I can say I'm glad happened. I never wanted to ride the bus anyways, lmao.
Eventually, my cousin ended up moving away and going to another school, so then it was just me.
I don't recall experiencing anything too crazy in kindergarten and 1st grade. In 2nd grade, the bullying picked up a bit. I specifically remember this girl who we'll call Erica. She always targeted me in class and never failed to make fun of me. I had no idea what her problem with me was.
That was the thing about me - I could be friends with anyone. I didn't care who it was. I didn't gravitate towards a certain type of person. I was friends with the "cool" people, the "not so cool" people, you name it.
Anyways....back to Erica. Yeah, I don't know what her problem was. She constantly would be coming for me and I wasn't doing anything to her. Luckily, when 3rd grade rolled around - she had went to a different school or something.
In 3rd grade, I became good friends with this girl in my class. We'll call her Kelsie. Everyone tended to gravitate to Kelsie. I'm pretty sure she was new to our school that year. I think the reason people flocked to her was because she seemed more "mature" than the rest of us. She was one of the "cool" girls for some reason. She honestly looked like she belonged in middle school, to be very honest. I really don't know why I wanted to be her friend so bad. She was very weird towards me. She would be super nice and cool with me one day and treat me like I was her best friend since preschool, and then the next, she would have a huge problem with me for no reason. Her and I bonded over the crush we had on this one guy who we'll call Alex, and our love for Britney Spears.
She would invite me and some of the other girls in our class over for sleepovers from time to time and we'd all go.
4th grade rolls around and Kelsie is in my class again. Along with these two guys we'll call Mark and Justin. For some reason, 4th grade was just horrible? These three were definitely the ring leaders of what I experienced though. Kelsie was still doing her usual routine of being my friend one day and hating me the next. Mark and Justin were rude to a lot of people, but it seemed as if I was their target most of the time. I had braids that I would wear with weave and they would call me "Weavie Wonder". They would throw erasers and other things at me across the classroom. I remember going home crying constantly. Every day, I would be crying about having to go to school again. I hated going to school majority of my time in elementary, because the kids were so brutal for absolutely no reason. I wish I could say there was something I did to them to deserve being treated so horribly, because I hate it seeming as if I'm carrying some victim complex, but I truly did nothing to these people to deserve the torture I experienced with them every day.
One night, Kelsie did a sneak threeway call with me. Mark was on the phone, but I didn't know it was him. She had him disguise his voice as someone else. Kelsie talked me into saying bad things about Mark, which wasn't hard, because I had plenty of bad things to say about him considering he tormented me every day at school -- and he played along in his disguised voice. By the end of the phone call, he revealed that it was him, and they both just laughed about it. Just one of the many things someone I considered to be my "friend" had done to me.
There was this girl in our 4th grade class who we'll call Jessica. I had always been "friends" with Jessica in passing because when my cousin still attended our school some years before, I remember her and Jessica were friends! They were in the same class together before. Jessica ended up becoming pretty good friends with Kelsie and I. Her and I were already friends, so she basically became friends with Kelsie through me. Over time, Jessica gradually started to act differently. She was always super fun and nice, but being around Kelsie was starting to change her. They became much closer to each other than they were to me, and would purposely do things together outside of school and not invite me, like go get matching clothes together and what not. I vividly remember the day they told me they didn't want to be my friend anymore and gave me a note with all of the things they hated about me written on it. These people were supposed to be my friends. Once again, I go home bawling my eyes out....for literally no reason at all.
There were these rubber wristbands I would always wear to school. They were my favorite bracelets. One day, I took them off and left them on my desk to go to the bathroom. I came back to my desk, and noticed that someone had cut my bracelets with some scissors. Someone as in Jessica and Kelsie.
My mom would be out at the school all the time talking to whoever she could about the kids that were bullying me.
5th grade rolls around and Jessica either transfers to a different school or is in a different class. I don't remember what happened to her. During open house, my mom has a conversation with my new teacher about all of the kids that bullied me previously and asks her to keep an eye on them.
Of course Kelsie, Mark, and Justin are all in my class. Again. But now, ERICA from 2nd grade is back. Along with some other new bullies. Luckily, there were some new girls in my class who are a lot nicer to me, so I have someone to hang out with when everyone is ganging up on me for whatever reason.
Erica is strangely being a lot nicer to me now. I think she feels awkward having transferred back to our school and having to go through the troubles of being the "new" kid. One day at recess, I remember being on the jungle gym playing with Erica and some other people and Erica had some red spots in her head. Either me or someone had asked her what it was and she told us how she had recently contracted lice. I remember purposely laughing about it and pointing it out to the other kids. The bullied was starting to become the bully. No, but seriously - that was just my way of getting payback at her for being so horrible to me in 2nd grade, and it felt good too! She ended up transferring again in the middle of the year. Not because of the incident at recess, but just because she moved again or something. I was happy she was gone for good.
Majority of the kids in my 5th grade class caught wind of my nickname "Weavie Wonder" thanks to Mark and Justin and that just continued being an ongoing thing. This was the first year I got my first relaxer. I came to school with my real hair out, and everyone was trying to be all cool with me because their little insult was null and void at that point.
There was this guy that I had a huge crush on who was in another class -- we'll call him Leo. He was absolutely beautiful. Kelsie knew I liked him. Of course, she declares that she likes him too and starts "dating" him. She constantly throws it up in my face. I'll never forget how we went on a field trip to Discovery Place and during one part of the trip we had to watch a film in the IMAX theatre. Kelsie ended up sitting next to Leo and was all cuddly with him. One day in class, she wrote his number on a piece of paper knowing I could see, and then she rips up the number and throws it away. I mean, just petty things to get under my skin and hurt my feelings because she knew I had a crush on this guy. Meanwhile....I'm still considering this girl to be one of my friends even though time and time again she's proven herself to be a horrible person.
Anyone who knows me knows I love John Cena. She all of a sudden gets a huge crush on John Cena and declares that she's his wife. The hate this girl had for me mixed with the absolute obsession she had with playing with my head was completely unmatched. 15 years later and I still haven't figured out what the hell was wrong with her.
This is the shortened version of all the things I experienced in elementary school. There were many more incidents of me feeling super alone and left wondering what was wrong with me and why people hated me so much. This affected me outside of school and resulted in me being a lot more aggressive and mean towards people when I would go home. I'm not sure why I never defended myself. I think I was scared of getting in trouble, even though my mom always told me if someone messed with me to beat them up. At the end of the day, I hated going to school every single day. When I would leave school crying most of the time, I knew I had video games and dance to look forward to, and honestly, I truly believe that's where my love for those things come from. They were always my escape.
As I got older, of course, those same people would show up later in my life - whether it be middle school, high school, and/or college. And I was always very vocal with my new friends about how those people treated me. For example, Kelsie ended up transferring to my middle school in 7th grade, and I would tell all my new friends how she treated me. And she would always be saying she doesn't understand why I'm bringing up old stuff. Um, because you tormented TF out of me when you were supposed to be my friend and I can talk about my experiences anytime I want????
Mark ended up going to my high school, and even though I had no classes with him, I heard he still hadn't changed. I was on the cheerleading squad in high school, and he ended up being on the basketball team, and he was absolutely terrible. There was no reason he should've played if he was going to be embarrassing himself like that.
They all ended up going to my college. Even Justin. I never had any classes with them though. But I would always see Justin in passing.....and he would always say hey to me in a super eager manner, and if he wasn't saying hey he was staring at me like he was in awe or something. I mean, completely drooly, obsessive, stalker stare. I don't know what the hell his problem was, but it was weird af.
All the girls that made fun of me for wearing "weave" all now wear weave in every single shape and form you can think of, glue ins, sew ins, lace fronts, wigs, etc. And every guy that called me Weavie Wonder is either dating a girl that wears weave, or attracted to girls that wear it. I mean, everyone wears it now. Every celebrity on earth and all the chicks that obsess over them, AKA all the girls that were making fun of me for wearing it back in elementary.
My beloved Leo ended up becoming a major pothead and let himself completely go. He would flirt with me a lot in middle school (this was when he was still actually cute), but by then, I just thought he was disgusting because I was getting to see how his personality really was since I never really had many conversations with him in elementary. He was actually kind of a pig..... He slid into my DMs a few years ago. I swerved him.
Anyways.....that's my elementary bullying story, even though that's not every single thing that ever happened. Those are the main things that happened. I think all of those things really shaped me, and I often wonder how different I'd be today if those things didn't happen. Because if there's anything I can tell you about my personality now, I don't tolerate that sh*t anymore.
Be sure to comment your experiences with bullying down in the comments below. PT. 2 will be up in the near future! Stay tuned.